If Historical Figures Had Social Media

by Brittany McSorley

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These days, a social media presence is a must for businesses, and an implied must for maintaining personal relationships (at least for certain generations). With social media dominating so much of our lives, it can be hard to remember a time without it. Reminiscing about the old days, when it didn’t seem crucial to share with 456 people that you didn’t care for Joker, led us to wonder about what the online landscape would have looked like in the really old days. We have a few ideas about how historical figures would have used social media:


Alexander the Great: Uses Facebook to post a ton of selfies and check in all over the Persian Empire. We get it; you travel.


Benjamin Franklin: Adds #NotAPresident to all his Instagram posts.


Socrates: Somehow wins every heated Facebook argument he’s involved with. Great to have in your corner when your conservative cousin stirs things up.


Plato: Shares Socrates’ posts all the time.


Agatha Christie: Known for her cryptic tweets, usually about unusual happenings at a gorgeous-but-mysterious country home. Like, what?


Charles Dickens: Always making Facebook posts that are way longer and more detailed than necessary. Seems preoccupied with orphans. Really active around Christmas.


Emily Dickinson: Flawless on Twitter. Less is more.


Jane Goodall: Never online anymore. I heard something about her going “off the grid” for a while.


Marie Curie: Has to share a Facebook profile with her husband Pierre. Typical Pierre.


William Shakespeare: Always has a show coming up. Always pushing ticket sales on Facebook.


Jane Austen: Has Twitter but never tweets. Just there for fodder for her lifestyle blog.


Eleanor Roosevelt: Knows all the best activists to follow on Instagram. Always willing to go live for a good cause.


Catherine the Great: Does not stand for mansplaining on Twitter. Ahead of her time. Brilliant with retweets.


Oscar Wilde: Always sharing the hottest gossip on his Instagram Stories. Has many celebrity followers.


J.D. Salinger: Doesn’t even have a profile picture. Went live on Instagram just once to call everyone a phony.


It’s fun to imagine, right? Now if only we could take Twitter away from certain people.