by Brittany McSorley
People love lists. People especially love lists that assign arbitrary value to things in descending order. Like a New Year’s Eve countdown, only you’re ranking romantic comedies or something instead of wishing you had never set eyes on these sparkle-clad maniacs who are not at all respecting your personal bubble while you drink a $19 gin and tonic. You know?
The social media platform best suited for creating a sense of value out of literally nothing is Instagram, where you can share images of almost whatever you want, no matter how meaningless the subject. And while you may be double-tapping photos on your Explore tab with reckless abandon, the higher-ups have been keeping track. Ever wonder which photos have been deemed worthiest by the scrolling masses? At your own risk:
- Ariana Grande posted this photo of her ex-boyfriend Mac Miller after his untimely death. It has 12.8 million likes. Not great when a list begins with something this tragic. Let’s barge ahead.
- Kylie Jenner! That’s more like it. The second photo the young, attractive, incredibly wealthy Jenner ever posted of her daughter Stormi has earned a casual 13 million likes since last March, which is fine. I’m fine.
- Oh my gosh, Kylie? Again?! Wow, she’s so young! She has so much money! Ha! Jenner posted these photos in honor of her boyfriend Travis Scott’s birthday in April. Theirs is a forever love, probably!
- Justin Bieber, who is young, got engaged to Hailey Baldwin, a young person, in July of 2018. He posted some photos to honor the occasion, then 13.4 million people were like, “Congrats!” I’m personally very happy for them indeed!
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Was gonna wait a while to say anything but word travels fast, listen plain and simple Hailey I am soooo in love with everything about you! So committed to spending my life getting to know every single part of you loving you patiently and kindLY. I promise to lead our family with honor and integrity letting Jesus through his Holy Spirit guide us in everything we do and every decision we make. My heart is COMPLETELY and FULLY YOURS and I will ALWAYS put you first! You are the love of my life Hailey Baldwin and I wouldn’t want to spend it with anybody else. You make me so much better and we compliment eachother so well!! Can’t wait for the best season of life yet!. It’s funny because now with you everything seems to make sense! The thing I am most excited for is that my little brother and sister get to see another healthy stable marriage and look for the same!!! Gods timing really is literally perfect, we got engaged on the seventh day of the seventh month, the number seven is the number of spiritual perfection, it’s true GOOGLE IT! Isn’t that nuts? By the way I didn’t plan that, anyways My goodness does feel good to have our future secured! WERE GONNA BE BETTER AT 70 BABY HERE WE GO! “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains FAVOR from the Lord!” This is the year of favor!!!!
- Kylie, stop it! This picture has the baby and Travis Scott, and costumes in honor of Marvel’s Avengers: Endgame, so naturally it has 13.6 million likes. Normal and fun!
- At last, a different beautiful person. In February, Selena Gomez shared a series of photos from a chill bachelorette celebration on the beach. The post raked in more than 14 million likes, plus everyone involved has flawless skin, so that’s neat!
- Oh. This photo, with 15.5 million likes, is from an Earth Week event, and every like supported an initiative to plant trees around the world. It’s nice when things are nice.
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The World’s Most Sustainable Post ♻️ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 5m likes – 500k trees ✔️ 20m likes – 1m trees ⏳ 50m likes – 🔒 100m likes – 🔒 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Join our mission to make the most sustainable post on the planet. Thank you to the millions of people who have lifted their fingers to start a movement to plant more trees. Together, we will be planting 500,000 trees in Indonesia as a result of you liking this post. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ But we're not stopping here. As the number of likes on this post grows, we will unlock a new level of sustainability and plant even more trees around the world! 🌲🌎 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ like count: 15,571,970
- And on the other end of the spectrum, this is the final image of rapper XXXTentacion before he was fatally shot at only 20 years old. 15.6 million likes. Again, let’s barge ahead.
- Kylie!! I missed you!! This is the first photo Jenner shared of daughter Stormi, in February 2018. It has 18.7 million likes. Can you imagine being able to afford childcare?!
- It’s this egg. Why wouldn’t it be this egg?
To sum up what we’ve learned, to be influential on the internet, do not turn 25 under any circumstances. Also, be insufferable. That’s really all it takes! I have to go apply a serum.