by Brittany McSorley
Back in October, I finally came clean and asked some questions that had been bouncing around in my head (and heart) for many years. It was liberating and educational, so in the spirit of wrapping up loose ends at the end of the year, I am going to double down on the honesty and put forth even more questions I have never asked anyone because I’m embarrassed but would still like answered.
You may be wondering: Brittany, how many of these questions do you have, exactly? I’m sorry, but I can’t even begin to calculate a total. I have an active mind and a deeply ingrained sense of shame. This could go on for years, to be honest. Best of luck:
- Why are the most expensive handbags always, objectively, the ugliest?
- How are there so many commercials using the word “less” when they should be using “fewer”? Several people are looking at the copy for these ads, and no one is stepping up. It seriously happens all the time. Am I just being pompous? Even if I am, like… fix it.
- How old were you when you realized that Kanga and Roo from Winnie the Pooh are called that because they’re kangaroos? Older or younger than 25?
- Is Monty Python funny, or are men just committed to insisting it is?
- What is going on inside the dishwasher? Is it basically a small car wash?
- Does everyone say “itch” when they mean “scratch” and vice versa? I cannot stop mixing these up.
- Why is Bob Dylan doing that with his voice? I’m stressed out.
- Why aren’t we doing whatever Europeans do to milk so they don’t need to refrigerate it?
- Everyone read the Twilight books and took them really seriously and found them very compelling and it’s only in hindsight that they seem so lame, right?
See you in a couple of months, probably.